Welcome to America, InuYasha!
by a MUTINOUS mind
Summary: One shot, laughable fiction. InuYasha and his gang are transported to Little Round Top during the Battle of Gettysburg where they must battle a terrifying bunny demon to collect a shard of the Shikon Jewel. And all they wanted were some hamburgers…
1. One

_**Author's note:** I do not own any of the character in this story. I only wish I could have come up with someone like InuYasha._

**Chapter one:  
Mr. Chamberlain's Dilemma  
**  
_July 2, 1863  
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania_  
  
The summer air was thick and hot. The men of the 20th Maine Regiment of the Union Army had repelled several attacks by Alabama troops from atop their perch on a steep, wooded hill. As the Rebels formed for another attack, they loaded their rifles once more with arms that were heavy with overuse. They had to keep the Rebels back. They were the extreme left flank of the army, and if they gave way, the whole army would be flanked and the war could very well be over for their cause. Most of the Maine men couldn't remember why they were fighting, knew only that they hated the Rebs and couldn't let them win.  
  
Colonel Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain walked back and forth behind his men who sat, waiting at the top of the hill. He looked over their shoulders making sure they were loaded and ready.  
  
"They'll be comin' again," he said, stopping and looking down the wooded slope, watching for movement.  
  
"Thanks, Captain Obvious," a private to Chamberlain's right muttered, ripping a cartridge open with his teeth before pouring it down the barrel of his rifle.  
  
"That's _Colonel Chamberlain_ to you, Private," the colonel whispered in the man's ear.  
  
At that moment the ominous rustling of fallen leaves could be heard as the Rebels tried to sneak up the hill in the same manner they had tried twice before.  
  
"All right, boys, nice an' quiet now, like this."  
  
A fat Rebel captain was yelling at the top of his lungs and tiptoeing sideways up the hill so he could look back upon his troops. He was soon huffing from the effort, but the other, fit Rebels followed suit, except in a quieter manner. The soldiers behind the captain began pointing at him, lip-synching to the Yankees, "Shoot him, please."  
  
Chamberlain held his breath, waiting. His regiment was running low on ammunition and none could be sent from any of the surrounding regiments. What they had was all they would get. Never could count on them for anything, the colonel thought.  
  
"Don't shoot 'til you see the whites of their eyes."  
  
The colonel laughed and wondered if anyone had heard his funny. He frowned when some of the privates turned around, looking at him as he laughed as if he was crazy. A bullet flew by his head, and he finally stopped his laughter. The Rebs were almost up the hill and were firing fiercely. Flinching, he drew his pistol.  
  
"Fire at will!" Chamberlain ordered his soldiers. But they were already doing so. He wanted to pout. He never got to do anything.  
  
The colonel stood safely behind a tree, ducking out at times, pointing his pistol at things and pretending to fire as the Rebels got closer and closer to the top of the hill. Oh no, he thought as he pretended to shoot a branch off a nearby tree, they're gonna overrun us. Oh no. Oh no.  
  
Just when Chamberlain thought he might break a sweat, the Rebels started falling back toward their starting position at the foot of the hill. There was a sigh of relief among the troops, and the colonel overheard many of them complaining of having no more ammunition. Silly boys, he thought. Should have saved it like me. He grinned boyishly as he patted his fully loaded pistol.  
  
"Colonel, sir?"  
  
Chamberlain looked down at the man who spoke to him. He was a short man, a sergeant. George. No, that wasn't his name. What was it again? He thought for a moment, finally settled on George.  
  
"How may I help you, George?"  
  
The sergeant raised an eyebrow, confused. He shook his head. There were more pressing matters at hand.  
  
"Umm, well, the entire regiment is out of ammunition. If they come at us again, we won't be able to hold 'em."  
  
Chamberlain pondered the man's words for some time. He couldn't retreat. His father would call him a coward. What to do? Several more moments passed, and Rebel bullets were already starting to make their way up the hill once more. What to do?  
  
The privates of the regiment, along with lower ranking officers, all watched nervously as their colonel struggled to come up with a plan.  
  
"I got it!" Chamberlain finally shouted as the Rebels continued their climb up the hill.  
  
"FIX BAYO..."


	2. Two

Chapter two:  
  
The Arrival of Three Strange Companions – Two from the past, and one from the future  
  
"FIX BAYO..."  
  
The world would never know what Colonel Chamberlain was about to say, for at that very moment the sky seemed to open up as a brilliant light shone through the trees and illuminated the faces of the astonished soldiers who dropped their weapons in surprise. When the light finally subsided and the soldiers came to their senses, they had to pinch themselves. Were they dreaming? Where did those guys come from? Standing on the hill between the opposing Rebel and Yankee forces now stood three figures who at first seemed divine. That was, until one of them spoke.  
  
"I smell blood, and this place looks like a battlefield! I thought you said you were taking me for hamburgers!"  
  
One of the figures, the one who had spoken, was dressed entirely in red clothes unlike any the soldiers had seen before. His hair was silver, almost white, and it hid two pointed ears that sat on the top of his head. But his face was young. He reached out for a Yankee with a hand with fingers with nails that were long and pointed like claws.  
  
"Where are we?" he growled.  
  
The soldier was petrified and could not make more than a vague clucking sound.  
  
"WHERE ARE WE?" he demanded again, grabbing the soldier by the throat and shaking him vigorously.  
  
"InuYasha, sit boy!"  
  
The voice of a girl rang clearly through the air as the man, InuYasha, dropped the soldier and was thrown to the ground.  
  
"What'd you do that for, Kagome?" he hissed as the young girl approached him.  
  
"You can't bother innocent people like that. Haven't we had this discussion before?"  
  
After a few moments InuYasha sat up, folded his legs and crossed his arms. He hated it when she did that.  
  
Several soldiers whistled at Kagome because little did InuYasha, Miroku, or Kagome know, but in the time period they had landed in, showing even an ankle was considered risqué. So, with Kagome in her short skirt, it was amazing that most of the soldiers were even still breathing.  
  
"Knock it off," InuYasha said, putting his hand on his fearsome sword, pretending he was about to use it. The soldiers grew quiet.  
  
"Hey, I know you!" a Rebel private yelled as he rushed up the hill toward InuYasha. "You're InuYasha, the half-demon, half-human of feudal era Japan!" the soldier shouted, grinning.  
  
The other soldiers gasped.  
  
"Ohhh, Japan!" they all said in unison.  
  
"And you're Kagome!" the Rebel private continued, pointing at the girl, who blushed, trying to hide behind her long, black hair. "And you're Miroku!" he finished, motioning toward the third of the group who stood further down the hill. He was a young-looking monk who carried a spiffy staff and wore prayer beads around his right hand.  
  
InuYasha and Kagome turned around. Their jaws dropped at the sight of the monk.  
  
"How'd you get here?" InuYasha asked.  
  
Miroku shrugged, looking as surprised as the other two.  
  
"Did you follow us?"  
  
Miroku smiled sheepishly.  
  
"Why I oughta!"  
  
InuYasha lunged at the monk but was stopped by Kagome who tugged at his sleeve.  
  
The Rebel who had spoken before gasped. "Ohhh, is that the Tetsusaiga? I've watched every one of your shows. I even have your DVDs."  
  
The Rebel squealed with utter delight, and InuYasha beamed from the recognition, even though he had not a clue what the soldier was talking about. Show? DVDs? The other soldiers whispered among themselves.  
  
Miroku stepped forward and whispered in Kagome's ear.  
  
"Do you think we should ask if they know how we can get..."  
  
He stopped when he felt InuYasha's eyes on him. That guy had never trusted him. He huffed and glared back at the hanyou who still sat on the ground with his arms and legs crossed.  
  
"How'd you get here?" a soldier asked as several of them moved to sit closer to the time traveling trio.  
  
Kagome blushed.  
  
"That would be my fault," she said. "I was gonna take InuYasha to my time so he could try a hamburger, but..."  
  
"She can never remember which freakin' well is the one back to her time," InuYasha finished. "I mean, there's only like two."  
  
The soldiers nodded, not understanding, but captivated.  
  
From the backside of the hill several Yankees soldiers were dragging several artillery pieces up the hill to their position. Chamberlain, who had been entranced by Kagome's long, slender legs, was finally brought back to reality.  
  
"Finally! The artillery I ordered! And it only took U.P.S. three months to get it here!"  
  
No one else seemed to care. They were busy listening to InuYasha, Kagome, and Miroku tell stories of their many adventures. Miroku was telling the soldiers about how he met up with Kagome and InuYasha when Kagome broke in.  
  
"I sense a jewel fragment," she said.  
  
Miroku was silent and InuYasha stood up, waiting.  
  
"This one's mine," he said, pushing Miroku aside.  
  
"I don't think so," Miroku replied, pushing InuYasha back.  
  
Soon the monk and the half-demon were in an all out brawl, and the soldiers stood around, egging them on.  
  
"Come on, InuYasha!"  
  
"Go Miroku!"  
  
"Geesh. So much for that teamwork idea," Kagome muttered as she walked past the groups of soldiers and toward the artillery that was finally set up on the top of the hill.  
  
There, Colonel Chamberlain was talking to another man who was making him sign several sheets of paper. The man had left, headed down the back side of the hill and had gotten into his brown truck and driven away by the time Kagome got to the top of the hill. She really was out of shape. She'd have to ask if there was any sort of gym anywhere nearby.  
  
"Hello," Chamberlain said as Kagome walked around the three cannons that had been placed.  
  
"Hey," she replied, frowning. She couldn't sense the shard anymore.  
  
"I'm colonel Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain. You know, it's not everyday a man like myself is able to lay eyes on someone of such beauty."  
  
Kagome would have been flattered if the man had not tried to sound so important.  
  
"Thank you," she said.  
  
The two began an awkward conversation, or more like Chamberlain started babbling as Kagome pondered where the jewel shard could have gone. 


	3. Three

**Chapter three:  
The Slaying of a Bunny [Demon] and a Fragment of the Sacred Jewel. YEAH!**  
  
A little further down the hill from where Kagome was talking to the colonel, Miroku and InuYasha were finally pulled apart by the soldiers who had been watching. They had wanted entertainment, not more bloodshed.  
  
"I thought you guys were friends?" someone said.  
  
InuYasha huffed at the comment, turning away from the soldiers and looking up the hill.  
  
"No way!" he muttered through his teeth after seeing Kagome with Chamberlain.  
  
He turned away from them as well and started wandered down the side of the hill. He finally took a seat under a tree, alone.  
  
"Now, if only I could find that shard of the Shikon Jewel..."  
  
"Excuse me?" a voice came from behind InuYasha.  
  
He turned around and saw an old man with a cane hobbling down to the spot where he sat. InuYasha could sense something evil in the old man and put his hand on his Tetsusaiga as he stood up.  
  
"Did I hear you say something of the Shikon Jewel?"  
  
With narrowed eyes, InuYasha looked the old man over. There was definitely something wrong here. What was an old man doing on this battlefield?  
  
"What? Have you become a mute, InuYasha?"  
  
The old man started laughing hysterically as he slowly began to transform into a giant, horrific, and very dangerous...bunny rabbit? Once the transformation was complete, the rabbit twitched its nose and hopped around playfully for a few moments as a crowd of soldiers looked on, dumbfounded, from a distance.  
  
"How'd he do that?" a soldier asked.  
  
"He's a demon," InuYasha said.  
  
He pulled the Tetsusaiga from its scabbard, and the soldiers watched, amazed as it transformed.  
  
"Doesn't look like any demon I've ever seen," another replied as the bunny nibbled on some tree branches.  
  
"Looks like you don't know too much about demons," Miroku said as he pushed his way through the group of soldiers followed by Kagome.  
  
"There's a jewel shard in the demon's head!" Kagome shouted.  
  
With her words, the innocent looking bunny turned to InuYasha and bared a set of very large fangs, two of which were sent hurdling toward the hanyou. He laughed, and sliced the fangs into nothingness as they came at him.  
  
"Nice try."  
  
A loud sound like thunder came from behind InuYasha. Kagome looked up and saw that several soldiers were loading and firing the cannons at the top of the hill. As the demon plowed through several trees and neared InuYasha, the cannon fire continued.  
  
"InuYasha!" Kagome screamed as a cannonball was fired right at him.  
  
InuYasha turned just in time to see Miroku jump in front of him, tear the prayer beads off his right hand and hold it up.  
  
"Wind tunnel!" he yelled, as the hole in his hand sucked up the cannonball before it could explode.  
  
Miroku fell to the ground. Something was wrong. Kagome rushed over to help him get out of the way.  
  
"That's it!" InuYasha shouted as he turned once more toward the demon.  
  
But the bunny rabbit had become distracted and was now on its hind legs, trying to snatch a bird from its nest high in one of the trees.  
  
"Some demon," InuYasha sighed.  
  
From further up the hill the soldiers began making a fuss. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Sesshomaru appear from within the crowd of humans. He was coming toward him.  
  
"Hello, half-brother. Happy half-birthday!" Sesshomaru called as he neared InuYasha.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"How could I forget my half-brother's half-birthday? I brought you a present! Open it! Open it!"  
  
"I'm a little busy right now," InuYasha said as the bunny, attention redirected at InuYasha, took a leap at him.  
  
"What a pretty sword. Why do you get to have all the fun toys?" Sesshomaru pouted.  
  
As the rabbit was bearing down on InuYasha he took one swing and sliced the giant demon in half. 


	4. Four

**Chapter four:  
All Good [and not so good] Things Must Have a Funny Ending Theme Song**  
  
As the demon's body shriveled, Kagome ran over and retrieved the jewel shard.  
  
"Yes! We got it!"  
  
The soldiers gave a round of applause, and Sesshomaru stomped off, muttering under his breath something about revenge and a jewel shard and something about Naraku...  
  
"Are you alright?" InuYasha asked Miroku who was still sitting on the ground, cradling his hand.  
  
"Yes, but whatever that thing was, it blocked my wind tunnel."  
  
"Well, here," Kagome said as she pulled up Miroku's sleeve and flipped the "Reverse" switch on the monk's arm.  
  
There was a blast of air and the cannonball shot out of Miroku's hand, landing on the far side of the hill.  
  
"Wow, I never knew I could do that."  
  
"That is one impressive wind tunnel. How do you do that?"  
  
Chamberlain slowly strode over from his perch at the top of the hill.  
  
"Well, it started when my grandfather was cursed by Naraku..."  
  
"That's interesting," the colonel said sarcastically, pushing Miroku aside as he made his way toward Kagome who now stood next to InuYasha.  
  
"Are you alright, dear?" he asked, taking Kagome's hand in his own as if genuinely concerned.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine," she said, pulling away from him. "My friends always take care of me."  
  
"Yeah, I didn't see you trying to do anything to stop that demon," InuYasha commented, folding his arms.  
  
"And you weren't doing anything during the battle, either. You were hiding behind a tree!" one of the Maine men shouted.  
  
"Whoever made you colonel should be shot!" someone else added.  
  
There were more yells from the angry Yankees as a mob formed and slowly moved in on Chamberlain.  
  
"Now, now, fellas. Let's not act so rashly."  
  
But the mob would have none of it and chased the colonel down the hill and all the way to Washington. The few Rebels that had not joined in the mob stood around awkwardly for a moment before dispersing.  
  
"We should probably get going. I still don't know how we got here, so it'll probably take a while to figure out how to get home. Anyone see any wells around here?"  
  
InuYasha started down the hill in the same direction that the colonel had run and was soon followed by Miroku and Kagome.  
  
"Well, look on the bright side, we did find a shard of the Shikon Jewel here, so maybe it's a good thing Kagome had no clue what she was doing."  
  
Kagome scowled at the comment.  
  
"Wait! What did you say?" a Rebel soldier asked as he rushed after them.  
  
The group stopped and turned to look at the man.  
  
"Did you say something about a jewel shard?"  
  
Miroku rolled his eyes and turned to InuYasha.  
  
"Where has this guy been?"  
  
Ignoring the comment, the Rebel pulled something out of his haversack.  
  
"I found this by the shoe factory in Gettysburg. It was nice and shiny, so I picked it up."  
  
Looking at the object in the soldier's hand, Kagome noticed him stroking and cradling a fragment of the sacred jewel.  
  
"That's a jewel shard all right," Kagome said.  
  
"Yes," the soldier hissed. "It's mine, my own, my preciousss..."  
  
The three companions stared at the soldier for a moment before the same thought crossed all of their minds.  
  
"It's very important that we have that," Miroku said, pointing at the jewel shard.  
  
"No, it's mine. It's my birthday, you know. It's my birthday today. I was just showing you. I won't share."  
  
The soldier stood mesmerized by the shard for several moments, staring at it as it lay in his open palm.  
  
"Well, happy birthday, then," InuYasha said as he snatched the jewel fragment and replaced it with a slightly bruised apple from his pocket.  
  
The soldier's jaw dropped, and for a moment the trio feared retaliation. But soon he was grinning as he skipped off singing, "Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me..."  
  
"Two shards in one day!" Miroku said, giving InuYasha a very awkward high five.  
  
"Umm, not quite," Kagome replied. "I think that's the same shard that was in the demon. I must have dropped it when I went to the shoe factory."  
  
"What? When did you go to the shoe factory? We didn't see you leave."  
  
InuYasha looked from Kagome to the shard he held in his hand. Miroku raised an eyebrow and quickly took the shard from the hanyou.  
  
"A girl can never have too many pairs of shoes, and when I spotted the shoe factory I decided to make a really quick stop."  
  
She grinned and held out two plastic bags labeled "Gettysburg Shoe Factory – The Price is No Myth." Both bags were filled with shoes.  
  
"Sorry about that," she finished.  
  
"I've never understood women," Miroku said as he and InuYasha started down the hill again.  
  
"Tell me about it," InuYasha replied as he looked back at Kagome who was struggling to balance herself and her bags on the rocky slope.  
  
"It's okay, I got it," she called.  
  
The sun was setting as the three ventured toward the town of Gettysburg to look for a way to get home.  
  
"Too bad we never got to ask those guys if they knew the way home. They might have been helpful," Kagome sighed, obviously hungry for one of those hamburgers that she had promised InuYasha.  
  
"I don't even know where we were. What was that place called?" Miroku asked, looking back over his shoulder.  
  
InuYasha looked over his shoulder as well and answered, "Well, it was some sort of hill with lots of trees and a little round top."  
  
Miroku nodded, not really satisfied with the answer, but sure that it was the best he would be getting any time soon.  
  
Suddenly strange music began playing as if out of nowhere.  
  
_I have to escape, and I will go anywhere if you just lead the way  
Escape to a place where we'll be together, together everyday  
We have to escape..._  
  
The three resisted the urge to dance and continued on their way. It took them many days, but finally they returned home and lived happily ever after. Or something. 


End file.
